


Rodney, Myself and I

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Character Study, Double Anal Penetration, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-01
Updated: 2008-09-01
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:56:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2765540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Ancient device has split John into two</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rodney, Myself and I

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Kink Bingo square: Double Penetration (one hole). Many thanks to neevebrody for the beta!

I hesitate at the door to Rodney's quarters, and I feel so stupid for it because I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be jealous of _him_.

God, I shouldn't think of him as an entity separate from me even though that's exactly what Yet-Another-Experiment-Of-The-Ancients-To-Make-Them-Ascend has done to us. To _me_ , dammit. We're both the same person, just split into...

And _that_ 's the thing that's really bothering me. Every time someone tries to put it into words, they're so careful, as if they're trying to make sure that neither of us is getting the short end of the stick. And still I feel that I do, that _I'm_ somehow the weaker part of John Sheppard. Just because _he_ started getting violent and telling Rodney, "I don't care _what_ this is. Fix it!"

Impulsive is the word that Carter used. Right, and I'm the _responsible_ one.

The worst part is that I should feel good about it. I've done more administrative work today than on any other day as commanding officer. I've set in motion changes that will benefit us in the future, even if they're not strictly necessary. Lorne's eyes were practically glowing with approval.

And Teyla looked so proud of me today. I really tried to listen to her today, using the motions instead of the brute force that I tend to fall back on in the end. She kicked my ass, of course, but she smiled so widely and said, "You did very good today, John."

I _can_ be proud of who I am. But somehow I can't stop thinking about what _he_ has been doing all day. Hanging around with Ronon, who looked so goddamn approving of him, that other Sheppard, that it made me almost sick. Piloting some scientists to the mainland after badgering Carter to let him go. Dropping by the lab so often that Rodney called me to ask if the other me doesn't have anything better to do.

That call had been far too satisfying. But I know it's just because since the moment we split, Rodney only seems to have eyes for _him_. The rational part of me—which apparently _I_ got in this deal—tells me that it's because the other Sheppard is so unpredictable, that Rodney didn't leave him out of his sight because he was afraid he might attack. Which wasn't so far off really, because in the end he pushed Rodney's sensor out of his hand and pushed him back against a wall, letting go as soon as I went to step in. I was almost disappointed when he backed off and I can't even begin to say how _wrong_ it is that I wish I could have _hit_ him— _me_.

I'm jealous. I seem to have gotten the self-awareness as well. Not that I want it. I don't want any of this. I just want to be back to my old self, although I can't help hoping that I can hold onto a bit of what distinguishes me from John Sheppard, because the roster rotation is a really good thing and I know I can do more if I'm not too lazy. But in the end, I'll happily settle for just being the person I was before because it's still better than looking at another part of myself and feeling resentment and jealousy and totally misplaced inadequacy.

I've been to the lab to check on Rodney's progress, but Radek has told me that the other Sheppard has taken Rodney to lunch, although he has hesitated slightly and as it turns out they're not in the mess, so here I am, fully expecting to find them watching a movie or playing a game, simply because it's what Sheppard wants and because he doesn't seem to grasp that he isn't the center of the world and that maybe it is more important that Rodney _fix_ this than that he keep Sheppard from being bored.

Okay, this is pathetic. It's not as if that Sheppard can help who he is. We both can't help who we are. Maybe I should try to talk to him, which I've managed to avoid so far. Not that it was so hard after he had stormed off this morning. Maybe we _both_ don't like each other very much. God, this is _wrong_. I know I might not have been the most mentally healthy person around, but I'm not the kind of person who hates himself. And I don't hate _him_. I just...I just can't agree with him, his priorities, his actions. It'll be better when I'm whole again. I remember fighting these sides of me, but it was never like this, and I'm counting on it that it won't be when Rodney has fixed us.

Time to find out how close he is to that.

I lift my hand to chime, but really I'm probably already in there so I just step ahead and the door does open.

My eyes close immediately, before I can really see what's going on because that first glimpse was enough to let me know that I don't want to see this. _This_ is the reason why I avoided going into Rodney's room while he dated Katie Brown.

The pain is sharp in my chest, this crystal clear feeling of, "He's never going to be yours, John. Never." I open my eyes, looking at the ground, only so that I won't bump into the doors when I step out again, but it's enough to see the clothes strewn on the floor, black, familiar and suddenly the pain in my chest before seems like a mere tug because...

Of course it's _him_. I have no idea how my brain didn't immediately think of this when I was _expecting_ them both in this room. Maybe because my brain associates that stab of jealousy with Rodney and other women. That's always what I have to compete with, not that I ever made a move or even entertained the notion.

_He_ has, though, and I remember that, I remember being sick of waiting, sick of hiding my feelings and not caring about rejection or risks any longer. I've always managed to keep that part of me in check because the risk wouldn't be worth losing Rodney's friendship, and I knew that I didn't have a chance. Thought I knew, I should say, because now that I slowly lift my eyes, it's fairly obvious that I must have been wrong at least in part.

I can see Sheppard's back, sweaty, tense and below I can see his cock pushing into Rodney, and when I hear Rodney grunt, I look up at his face, thrown back into the pillow, eyes closed, and it's the first time that I really hate that other part of me.

I feel bile rising in my throat and blindly step back, but the door must have closed behind me and I bump into it, making enough noise to alert them to my presence. They've stopped, and I turn around and my mind is so full I can't even remember where the goddamn door opens and before I find it and can move my hand over the crystals to get me out of here, I hear Rodney's voice.

"John."

I freeze. I can't turn around, because I cannot look at them, cannot _face_ them. I hear rustling coming from the bed and then steps approaching. I don't know if it's Rodney or _him_ , but somehow I can't imagine it's the other me, because I just interrupted them, and I remember enough to know what he must be feeling right now and maybe he has just enough of me inside of him not to punch me in front of Rodney.

"John."

It _is_ Rodney who locks the door, puts his hand on my arm and turns me around. He's wrapped in the covers, and when I look over I can see the other me stoically standing next to the bed, naked, still hard, and I can't help noticing that he didn't bother to use a condom. That's right. _I'm_ the responsible one.

"Okay, this is awkward," Rodney says. Then he turns to the other me. "And exactly the reason why I thought we should wait."

Sheppard looks defensive. His jaw clenches but he doesn't say anything, doesn't move.

"And I really think that would be the best course of action now," Rodney continues in his direction, and I see that the other me wants to argue. He looks over at me and it's belligerent, but there's also a bleakness in there and I have to look away.

"No," I hear myself say. No matter what I feel right now, no matter that I hate him for being right, for taking what I've always wanted, I don't want him to miss out on this, because he _earned_ it. In all his irresponsible glory, he took the chance, and he deserves the reward. I can be gracious like that. And a part of me thinks that maybe when we're one person again I can remember it as if it had been _me_. But even if I _won't_ remember it as something _I_ did, I also don't ever want to think that I've ruined the chances of any part of me ever experiencing this. "I'll leave you two alone."

There's a flicker of surprise in John's eyes, but it's Rodney who speaks. "Alone?! Do you even _realize_ how schizophrenic you sound?"

I turn to Rodney and flush, because in a way I do, have felt it ever since I saw myself standing opposite of me, looking angry. But I can't help it. "I shouldn't have come in like that. And I should really leave you two to..." I can't bring myself to say it, in any way.

Rodney's eyes narrow, and he takes a step back. Which is a peculiar reaction. I look over to John, who also frowns, but then _he_ seems to get it as his expressions turns hard again.

I turn to Rodney who's looking at the other me now. "You _lied_ to me," he says barely above a whisper.

"No, Rodney," John says, coming closer, but Rodney takes another step back, away from both of us.

"Just look at you," Rodney says, loudly, accusingly now. " _That_ you," he adds, pointing at me. "You look white as a sheet of paper and _miserable_ and... I knew that you were the careless one. I saw you needling Sam, when you really shouldn't have left Atlantis and roughhousing with Ronon— Oh God. Did you fuck him too? Is that it? Are you filling up your bedpost with those missing notches that you're usually too responsible to—"

"No!" John says vehemently, and he looks angry, but somewhere in there there's a vulnerability that I can't bear to see, because _his_ side of me shouldn't feel that way, should never be afraid of anyone or anything. "I didn't lie to you, Rodney." The pleading note in there is unmistakable, and I wish I could turn back time and that I'd never come here.

I don't know what to do, because I have no idea what the other me told Rodney and a small part of me wonders if maybe Rodney isn't right. I know that I love Rodney. I know that _both_ of us love Rodney, but I can't say for sure if the other John hasn't maybe done what Rodney accuses him of. Not with Ronon, but there are a few others that I remember having stray thoughts about, nothing serious, not even a little fantasy, just a "Nice ass", forgotten before it really formed in my mind. I'm really pathetic in the way that I only have eyes for Rodney, but maybe it's different for the other John.

"Well, you clearly didn't say the truth either, because _this_ ," Rodney waves vaguely at me—and I'm beginning to get annoyed, because I'm actually still in the room, "doesn't look like declarations of love to me."

I look at John who looks at the ground. "Maybe I was wrong. But I didn't lie to you. Maybe I just don't know myself very well." And then he looks at me with a resigned, pained expression.

"What did..." For a moment, I don't know who to address here. But then I turn to Rodney, because at least I know how to deal with him for the most part. "...he say?" I finish.

Rodney looks embarrassed, as if he doesn't want to repeat what he fell for.

"Please," I say, because we have to resolve this somehow. It might be responsibility taking over again, but we're teammates and friends, and we cannot afford to have something like this standing between us.

Rodney doesn't look at me. "He said you didn't believe I could ever feel the same and that if I just made a first step you'd finally be able to stop fighting what you want. Well, it doesn't get much clearer than _that_ ," he says, gesturing towards the bed, where I caught them in the act, "and yet, it's pretty obvious that you _don't_ want to," he gestures at the bed again.

_Oh._ I'm not sure what it says about me that in all this time, since that machine split me in half, it never occurred to me that when Rodney's looking at _him_ , he actually sees _me_. Well, not me obviously, but the full John Sheppard, the one that's _both_ of us. I felt so comfortable in my self-pity and envy that I didn't even think that if the _other_ me managed to persuade or convince or _win_ Rodney that maybe it isn't _him_ that Rodney wants, but _both_ of us.

"I do want to," I say. "I've wanted you for a long time." It's easy to say, really, and maybe the part that cannot express emotion is in the other John, although I'm supposed to be the one who's over thinking everything, when he's just feeling and reacting.

Rodney looks at me now and there's hope in his eyes and I can't help but smile because Rodney _wants_ this. I step closer to him and I'm glad to see that he doesn't take a step back. I lift my hand to cup his face. He opens his mouth and I close the distance between us and shut my eyes. The kiss sends shivers down my spine. I've wanted this for so long and I'd been so sure that I'd never get it, never feel Rodney's mouth opening up against mine and his arms around me, drawing me closer.

I hear the sheet drop and feel Rodney against me. I know that he's naked, but I don't pull back to look, don't even open my eyes. I just keep holding and kissing him, trying not to think about more, because that just reminds me of what I walked in on and that we're not actually alone. Well, there's just John and Rodney in this room, but when I pull back and look over I'll see myself. I wonder if he's watching us.

Eventually we draw apart, and when I risk a look across the room, I see that he _is_ watching, his expression unreadable. I turn to Rodney then, looking down his body to where his dick is standing up.

God, I want to reach out and touch, close my hand around him and kiss him again and then drag him to the bed, but I'm not alone here, and _he_ , the me watching us, was there first and I don't really see how we can solve this.

Rodney looks at me, then over my shoulder and we just stand like that for a moment, possibly all thinking the same thing. I'm about to suggest that they should get dressed and we could all head to the lab and get this _fixed_ as soon as humanly possible, when I see John coming up to us.

I still have one arm around Rodney and John doesn't dislodge it, just stands behind Rodney and captures his mouth in a kiss.

It's fascinating to watch yourself kissing someone else. Up close I can see every detail, how the mouths don't quite fit at first, but then they adjust and close all gaps only to open them up again as the kiss gets more heated and I see their tongues touching. Rodney's gripping the back of my shirt, and I feel myself pushing forward even as my pants tighten over my growing erection.

The jealousy is gone.

I know now that this John didn't take anything away from me. He _gave_ me something, he gave me the greatest gift I can imagine and this is for both of us because what Rodney wants, who Rodney loves—even though we haven't talked about love—is _both_ of us. This wouldn't be possible without him, but once I'd entered the picture, Rodney needed to know that _I_ felt the same too, because it wasn't enough to know that the _other John_ wants him.

I don't know if we're really going to do what we're starting here now, but even if we don't, I want to join them, because we're all part of this couple. I lean forward and press my face into Rodney's exposed neck, taking in the scent then kissing him there. When my tongue swipes across his skin, Rodney groans, muffled by John's mouth, and I take his dick in my hand and squeeze.

He pulls his head away from John's kiss, looking at the space between us and takes a deep breath. "I want you," he pants, looking at John. "I want you both," he says, turning to me this time, his face getting red with a flush that spreads all the way down to his chest.

"We want you too," I say, confident that I can speak for both of us, and when I look at John, I see him smile at me and something twists in my stomach because I realize that he is grateful and happy for _both_ of us and that he quite possibly really likes me, and I'm surprised by that when I really shouldn't be because he's me and overall, I do think I'm a pretty okay guy.

It's John who drags Rodney to the bed, slow enough that he knows I can keep up with them. John lies down on the bed on his side, as far to the right as possible without falling out. "You should get undressed," Rodney says as he joins him. He positions himself with his back to John and he's watching me pull off my clothes in record time. John in the meantime is kissing his neck and running his hand over his side until he reaches his hip and moves down to hold Rodney's dick.

Rodney thrusts forward, and I can see John thrusting too, and I remember that he was _inside_ of Rodney when I came in. My dick twitches at the thought, and I can see Rodney's gaze dropping to it, and he looks approving and licks his lips. I scramble onto the bed and kiss him. It's a tight fit for three people and I have to take care that I don't fall out, but I can't quite bring myself to press against Rodney's dick, when John's hand is still around it because... well, I love to masturbate, but this is _different_ , and the idea of having sex with myself is weird, even if I have pretty much agreed to do exactly that, although, of course, this is all about Rodney.

John seems to know what I've been thinking, because he removes his hand from Rodney's dick. I press forward then, thrusting my cock against Rodney's, and Rodney turns his head and moans, and I latch onto his neck so that we're both kissing him there, one on each side.

"I want..." Rodney says, but trails off, looking completely blissed out between us.

"You have to fuck him," John says to me, and I'm not sure if he says it because it'll be the best thing ever, which I'm pretty sure of, or because he has already done it and doesn't want me to feel left out, which is touching in a way.

"Yes!" Rodney moans. His eyes are closed, and he thrusts helplessly between us.

I wonder about the logistics. I can't fuck him like John has, because that would leave John either out of the picture or behind me, which again—weird and slightly creepy—so it would probably be best to turn Rodney around and fuck him sideways. Maybe he could fuck John at the same time, sandwiched between us. Oh yes, my dick is definitely on board with that idea and I put my hand on Rodney's side, next to John's and say, "Rodney, can you turn around?"

John looks at me, and I can see him thinking and then getting where I'm going with this. Rodney tries to move, but John suddenly gets out of the bed. We both look at him, and I can see that Rodney wants to protest, but John speaks before he can say anything.

"Lie on your back," he tells me.

I'm not quite sure what he's planning. It won't be leaving us alone. I know that I was willing to let them do this alone, but that was before I realized that Rodney wants _both_ of us, and John is the one of us who's spent all day following his every whim, so self-sacrifice is not going to be it.

I decide to simply do as he says and gently nudge Rodney until he moves enough that I can settle on my back. Rodney looks down my body until his gaze remains on my dick. He reaches out and takes it in his hand. My hips lift up. I can't help pushing into Rodney's hand. Rodney leans forward and kisses me and I put a hand on his neck to hold him as I kiss back.

When Rodney pulls back and I open my eyes, I see John behind him, standing beside the bed now, close enough to turn Rodney's face towards him for a kiss. Watching them kiss has lost nothing of its fascination.

John slowly draws back and puts his arm on Rodney's shoulder, nudging him. Rodney moves to straddle my thighs, hand still around my cock. He sits close enough that when he opens up his hand his dick settles against mine and he can close his hand around both of our cocks.

He starts to stroke us, lightly moving on top of me and his look turns from me to John, who's still standing beside the bed. "What about you?" he asks, and I understand him, because after what has happened, this has to be equal between us. Rodney can't give something to me but not to _him_ or vice-versa.

Maybe we should have waited until we're _one_ John Sheppard again after all. But John seems to disagree. He leans forward to Rodney's ear, but when he speaks it's loud enough for both of us to hear. "Ride him. And don't worry about me. I'll be right behind you." He grins, and it sends a shiver down my spine, which is slightly disturbing.

I look at Rodney who nods at John. Then he turns to me and lifts his body, holding my cock still below him. I'm going to be inside of Rodney in a few moments and the thought should be enough to remove any form of coherent thought, but still something manages to get through to the surface and I blurt out, "Condom."

Rodney looks a bit perplexed, body frozen just above where he's going to impale himself on me, and I try not to think about that because I don't want to come before it even started. John suddenly holds up a condom in front of Rodney. I don't know where he got it from and I don't particularly care. Instead, I bite my lip as Rodney moves back, unwraps the foil and rolls the condom over my erection. John hands him some lube and I feel bizarrely as if he's assisting us like a tutor.

Rodney's hands move swiftly over my cock, not intending to arouse, and I'm glad he gets how close I am. Then he's done, hands the lube back to John and moves into position again. I look up at him, vaguely aware of John hovering in the background. Then Rodney moves down and there's nothing but the feeling of tight heat around my cock. Rodney groans and thrusts, up and down, taking a bit more of me in on each downstroke until he's finally taken all of me inside of him and is settled on my groin.

I try not to thrust up, but it's a losing battle and eventually I put my hands on his thighs and push lightly up.

He drops forward then, capturing my face in a hungry, wet kiss. My hands tighten on his hips and we start to move. This is what I had dreamed about for such a long time. I trace my hand up his side to his face and push him gently away so that I can look at his face. His lips are parted and wet, his eyes an intense blue around wide pupils. "I love you," I say, and even though my voice breaks, I'm glad I said it because his face lights up in something like wonder.

"I love you too," he says, and then he straightens and turns around, and I'm confused for just a moment before I remember that we're not alone. "I love you too," Rodney repeats to John, and John crawls on top of the bed behind him and puts his arms around Rodney. He whispers something into Rodney's ear, so quietly that I cannot hear it, but I know that he's saying what he can't ever say, because this is Rodney and we've never felt this way about anyone else.

They kiss again, softly at first, but then it heats up and Rodney starts to move on my cock again and one of John's hands moves down Rodney's stomach to his erection. It's more of a turn-on than I imagined it could be.

Pre-come is gathering at the tip of his penis and I reach out and gather it on my finger so that I can taste it. Rodney turns away from John to watch me and his eyes glaze over and my finger is still in my mouth when he moves forward to kiss me, tongue running over my finger.

I push my finger into his mouth, and he sucks on it, looking at me while he does it. Before I can contemplate what it would feel like to have him suck on my dick instead, I feel John settling down on my thighs behind Rodney. I look down and see that he's still stroking Rodney. He's leaning forward onto Rodney and I can't be sure, but I think he's kissing the nape of his neck. Rodney moves one hand behind to hold his head and I wonder what it will be like when I have his undivided attention, when it's just the two of us, in just two bodies instead of three.

The fact that I know I will have a lot of opportunities to find out—because I have faith that Rodney will fix us, fix _me_ —makes it easier to enjoy this. I've never had a threesome before, and I certainly don't ever want to share Rodney with anyone else, but this is okay, this is interesting and pretty hot.

Rodney starts to move on my cock again, still sucking on my finger and holding John's head behind him. John moves to the side of Rodney's neck then to his ear. When he whispers something I once again can't hear him, and this time I have no idea what he's said.

The effect on Rodney is immediate however. He gets another flush that reaches down to his chest. "I'm not sure I can," he says softly.

My eyes narrow slightly, because John shouldn't ask anything of him that Rodney doesn't want to do. And _I'm_ certainly not going to watch and let it happen.

"But I'd love to try," Rodney adds almost shyly, ducking his head, but then raising his chin and looking straight into John's eyes. John kisses him again and Rodney returns the kiss eagerly enough for me to completely relax.

Curiosity replaces my worry, and I watch as John moves up and away and gets the lube from the nightstand before returning to his previous position behind Rodney.

My eyes widen. He can't possibly... Holy shit! We _are_ the same person, but we have _two_ bodies at the moment, and Rodney feels wonderfully tight around me, certainly too tight for another dick. And then there's the fact that I'll have my dick in there next to John's.

John quickly kisses Rodney then gently moves him forward, and Rodney complies, bending until he's hovering above me. He looks down at me, smiling nervously, and I sure can't blame him. I almost ask Rodney if he's sure, but this is Rodney McKay, a man who complains about the quality of the road or a scratch on his finger. If he didn't want to do this, we'd know. So I just put my hand on the back of his neck and rub my thumb in what I hope is a soothing manner.

Then I feel a finger sliding along my dick. Rodney tenses around my dick, and I bite my lip to keep from groaning out loud because I have a feeling Rodney wouldn't appreciate it.

"Relax," John says behind Rodney.

Rodney glares at the bed sheet and it's strangely reassuring.

"He's trying," I can't help saying, my mouth quirking just a bit.

Now the glare turns to me. Then Rodney closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I can feel him relaxing, but it doesn't change the fact that he's tight around my dick and John's finger. John withdraws, and I can see enough movement behind Rodney's back to guess that he's kissing it, and then I feel something at the base of my cock.

I don't know how he does it, but a moment later I feel something beside me inside Rodney. It's unbelievably tight and I look at Rodney, slightly alarmed.

Rodney's mouth is open, but no sound is coming out.

"Breathe," I say because it doesn't look like Rodney remembers the necessity of oxygen, and he takes a few gulping breaths.

"Okay?" I ask, and Rodney looks disoriented for a moment before his eyes focus on mine and he manages to nod.

We stay like that for a moment, and then John moves and so do I, easing slightly out of Rodney and back in, careful not to dislodge John.

"Oh God," Rodney moans.

John leans forward onto Rodney's back and kisses the side of his neck. Rodney doesn't react. In fact, I'm not sure he'll be able to hold himself up on his arms for much longer.

"Hold him," I say to John, at the same time moving my hand to Rodney's shoulder, to give him something to lean on.

"Please," Rodney begs of no one in particular, and my eyes meet John's over his shoulder and we start moving again, both helping to hold up Rodney.

Rodney's eyes close, and he begins to chant "John, John, John" in time with our thrusts, quivering between us.

John grinds out "Rodney" and pushes and pushes, deeper and deeper, until Rodney convulses around us, and I can feel his hot come on my stomach. It sets off my own climax, and I jerk inside Rodney, who's gone completely limp and is held up by nothing but my hands on his shoulder and John's arm around him.

I feel almost dizzy with the power of my orgasm and the strain to keep Rodney upright and then I just give up and let him drop down on me.

John pulls out and I silently thank him, because I don't think I could have taken him thrusting against my spent cock. I slip out of Rodney as well and he murmurs against my shoulder, but it's nothing coherent enough for me to understand.

John is kneeling behind Rodney, his cock standing up in full hardness.

I turn to Rodney. "Can you take John again?" I ask him softly.

He lifts his hand in a 'Whatever' gesture, and I can't help laughing a little. John moves forward and pushes back into Rodney. He immediately begins fucking him, and I can feel his thrusts as they push Rodney against me. One particular thrust makes Rodney groan into my neck and it was either my imagination or Rodney's dick really twitched between us.

John keeps fucking him until he freezes and comes, and when he pulls out, he looks like he wants to drop down on Rodney's back, which I can heartily relate to, however, Rodney is pretty heavy all by himself, and I'm not exactly a lightweight.

John seems to know that and sits down at the foot of the bed instead, catching his breath. I feel a bit bad for him because he deserves his share of afterglow with Rodney. I poke him in the back with my toe.

He turns around. I try to push Rodney off me onto his side, but John lifts his hand. "One moment," he says and disappears into the bathroom. I remove the condom and fling it aside. He comes back with a cloth and I watch as he cleans up Rodney's back. He's efficient, but also careful, no more than that, he's caring.

His eyes meet mine, and I feel like I should apologize for everything that I thought about him, but he just nods in silent acknowledgement and together we turn Rodney onto his side.

John hands me the cloth and I turn it around and begin to clean our stomachs as Rodney's eyes blink open.

"That was amazing," he says. "Let's never do it again."

John chuckles and kisses the top of Rodney's head, lying down behind him.

I finish cleaning Rodney up and he lifts his head towards John. John kisses his cheek softly and I do the same on his other cheek. Rodney smiles and closes his eyes.

We settle down to rest. Rodney reaches under him and pulls one of John's arms around from below and holds it against his chest and then wraps his upper arm around me.

I put my hand on his waist, stroking lightly and when I notice John's hand on his hip, I move mine until our hands are touching.

John lifts his head to look at me, and in that moment I can see both what he likes and doesn't like about me, that it's all still there even after this experience, but in the end, he lifts the fingers of his hand and spreads them.

I hesitate only for a second and then clasp my fingers with his.

It'll be good to be one person again. Because for all our differences, together we make the complete John Sheppard. The man who is military commander of Atlantis. The man who leads his team into and out of dangerous missions. The man whom the sleepy bundle between us fell in love with.


End file.
